After many years of fighting between the Chinese and the Khitans, they have finally come up with a peace agreement between the both empires. Just a couple of days ago both emperor Liao and Emperor Zhenzong signed a treaty saying there'll be no more fighting.
The treaty states that Emperor Zhenzong has to refer to Emperoro Liao as an older brother. Not only that, he has to pay 200,00 rolls of silk and 100,000 ounces of silver every year. This has helped the dynasty not choose war for an answer, but to make peace with other empires too becuase their belief system (Confucianism) doesn't allow them to solve their problems with war.
The Khitans didn’t like the Chinese very much because they had always been ahead of them, and more sophisticated and wanted to take their lands away becuase they were jeleous. Once Emperor Taizu came into power, they backed out of their plan because they were scared they wouldn’t be successful. Emperor Taizu didn’t want to get involved with them because he never believed in war. After Emperor Taizu was out of power and Emperor Taizhong stepped in, China was planning an attack to drive out of China anyone who wasn’t Chinese. Taizong built his army and was ready to go up and fight for their land back. When he went to attack, it turned out that he was much weaker than the Khitans, so they decided they would escape so they wouldn't be captured. He thought he’d never get back the north. When Taizong died, the Khitans made a large invasion into China and took over many areas, China felt powerless. Now, Zhenzong is in power and doesn’t want to deal with the constant fighting between the two empires. He decided to make a peace treaty between the two empires.
It has helped many people, especially one citizen who said, "I'm so glad emperor Zehzong finally signed that treaty. I'm one of the people who live in the north and own acres of farmland. The Khitans never seem to care whose space they're invading because they always take over my rice and sell if for themselves! Now, they don't have any right to touch my land and I can sell what I work for. I might actually make some money this year." It looks like this treaty is helping the Chinese that live in the north, finally get what they wanted.
Remember that for a hard news article you start with the biggest info, then get smaller and smaller. Right now, you start big, then go small, then medium. So, I am basically suggesting that your reorganize your article and move the third paragraph up to the second. You also should work on breaking up and simplifying the current second paragraph because right now it is an overwhelming block of writing. People reading the paper for information would never get past it. One thing that can definitely happen is editing to cut out wordiness and repetition.
ReplyDeleteBe sure, in all of your articles, to reread your writing out loud and slowly because you have some small errors that you should be able to catch by doing that.